Week 3 Power Rankings

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Apologies for the brief hiatus, but im back so becker please stop texting me 3 times a day asking for this, im not putting you at first regardless. But anyways heres the week 3 power rankings

Coming in at the 1 seed…..

1. Rooftop Ret@rdz 
1. Ose with a big week outta his team, can't really clown him on much but oh well. I just know that he’s pissed about not having the most amount of points scored this week. That belongs to his polish brother and current Illini Inn fanatic, Alec. Ose was tired of constantly coming in second behind Alec, the worse pierogi cooker, the worse Lion worker, and the worse r@cist? Not sure if he understands you don’t wanna be that.. In other news, I heard ose complaining about the 25 cents that I allegedly owe him for the wifi. Wasn’t planning on paying for wifi anyway so he should be lucky he got 16 bucks out of me.
2.  Hock and Ball T0rture
- A big jump for the T0rture’s from the week 1 power rankings, and also a huge week from Alec’s boys. I could take the route of Alec having power over black people and what happened with that a few hundred years ago, but I don’t wanna go there this week. Regardless, Alec had a solid week and definitely could’ve had more if the bears didnt suck hot garbage and the chiefs kept patty mahomes in. Tune into our matchup this week if you're interested in seeing people get beheaded @becker
3. Anton’s Personal Space
- Nothing to see here folks, just another gritty, hard fought victory over the BGS’s. Big week coming up against Hock and Ball T0rture, will be tough, tears will be shed by one of us.
4. Scrumpy
- Despite putting up 152 points and losing, Scrumpy still comes up short the Ball T0rturers. Scrumps made a bet earlier in the season that if he lost a single game, he would go in the cage with the loser (which I think we all know who it’s gonna be). Then he doubled down and said if he doesn’t win the whole league he’d double the time he was originally gonna go in for (this is actually facts for those who haven’t heard). Breen said that when we told Scrumps about the cage, he was weirdly excited and I guess it’s starting to make sense now. If you want us to put you in the cage and throw weird shit on you just say that. For all we know, Joe is gonna take another random side quest, but this time to Saudi Arabia since he swears he’ll uncover the secrets of Fantasy Football. Newsflash Joe, it’s all fucking luck.
5. Russian Supremacy
- Anton with a fiery 98 point week out of his boys. Doesn’t really matter tho cause Ose had a pregame speech to his team that resembled coach prime. Mostly nonsense, but some words of wisdom. Anton must have been taking notes from Duggins this week cause holy shit you sucked this week. Also, I know it’s you using my fucking Keurig machine and not taking your k cups out. Keep doing it and I swear to god I’ll rig the league so you come in last and go in the cage with scrumps.
6. Chicago P3nis Touchers
- Not much to say about this team tbh just all around forgettable. But that quarterback room is something that resembles a suburban youth football league. The blind leading the blind. Just an unlucky week all around for the Touchers. If Breen spent half as much time as he does doing whippets and other drugs on fantasy football, then maybe he could’ve scraped a dub this week. Still a solid team tho..
7. Junion Park Warriors
- Putting you this low solely cause it pissed me off how much you asked for the power rankings last week. Becker had a good win over the Touchers and finally got something out of Jamarr this week. Does his girlfriend know football and set his lineup? Probably not so we could just chalk this performance up to his kicker dropping more than his wide receiver and tight end combined. Also I’m not fully convinced becker doesn’t call his girl his “wittle pookie bear” can’t confirm or deny this, just something that I could see him doing.
8. Doog
- I’m going through this lineup and the more I look at it, its just a bunch of undrafted free agents that duggins saw had high projections and picked them up. Seriously. There’s like 5 players that duggins got off the wire and is starting. I think a win this week could boost those UDFA’s morale that it might propel them out of the cage, prob not tho. Also, duggins kicker’s name is G@y. Just thought that was kinda funny so I thought I’d throw that in.

Let’s have a week gentleman. If you need me, ill be on the ping pong table honing my craft.

This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.