Mushroom Festival draws 3 million visitors, but townsfolk are asking if it pays off

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About an hour West of Philadelphia there is a small town that on most days looks like most small towns in the US look. But one weekend every year Kennett Square lives up to it's title as the "Mushroom Capital of the World".

Kennett Square or, "The nut" as locals call it, is an old town by the standards of the US,one filled with history. From it's homes that once housed soldiers during the Revolution to "the place that used to be something else". However, these days the biggest claim to fame is mushrooms, literal tons of them. In fact if you've ever had a disagreement over pizza toppings and said "well, mushrooms I guess..." there's a 90 chance your settled topping came from the hands of a nutter. "Millions of pizzas are topped by these nuts every year" Mario Stunadi proudly exclaims while showing us his employees and farm. "We're proud to provide the country with a vital source of whatever vitamins and minerals these things have. And the Festival is a great way to showcase that."

Each year the Mushroom Festival brings more and more people, with this year's attendance estimated at 3.1 million visitors. Attendees revel in the many mushroom themed booths and wander the main thoroughfare of State St. in search of the next spore-based meal. "I love mushrooms, they're probably my favorite fungus" says one visitor, adding "you just don't see this kind of pride in other places that provide B-list toppings". And it's true that places like Madison, Indiana or Tulepo, Mississippi (provider of the nations bell peppers and red onions respectively) really don't seem as proud of their heritage as Nutters do.

But not everyone is happy, and longtime resident Richard Head is quite vocal in that regard "I just don't see why we need people coming into our town." he complains "If I ever should have to leave it would take me 10min to get back into my driveway from the store, that's twice as long as it takes normally!" he adds, "These people come here, they walk in the streets OUR taxes pay for and don't give me a dime, now how is that fair?" When asked if he planned on attending he indicated no, he doesn't like to leave the house. Other residents voiced complaints as well, "Did you know that this year our parking in town went up $.25 an hour? I can't help but think that with all this money coming into our small town they could provide free parking for residents. I had to drive around for half an hour yesterday looking for a spot before I gave up to park at home and WALK the half block up town" fumes Annie Lee. "Why are we paying for new sidewalks for out-of-towners to use when I'm paying $5/week for trash collection? I have it on good faith that many of them enjoy coming here to walk around in golf spikes just to destroy the pavement." says a resident that wishes to remain anonymous.

But for better or worse, it seems that Mushrooms are permanently entwined in the identity of this town and I must say as an impartial observer it doesn't seem to bother most. The town enjoys one week every year in the spotlight and then goes back to it's small roots, something most places wish they could do. And I plan on visiting again next year, if only for the feeling that something about it makes me smile. Something that I think could be best summed up in a quote I got from one passer by, "It's funny because they all look like dicks."

This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.